_I seem to be spinning my wheels. As much as I love the BS&T song "Spinning Wheel", I don't want it in my personal life. Here I am 13 weeks into this journey and I seem no better off than I was when I started. That's not totally accurate. There are some improvements. I am more aware of a lot of things and when I think of them I make the change. But nothing is lifestyle. Nothing is habit. Nothing is changing. I'm frustrated.

Christmas time is a tough time to make changes. There are so many things to do. So many errands to run. Decorations to put up. Things to prepare. Lists to write (Santa included). Adding remembering to walk enough; drink my water; don't eat in the evenings seems insurmountable. Argh. It's frustrating. I feel like I am failing at every turn.

This challenge has turned out to be harder than I realized. I guess it would be easier if I was seeing phenomenal results, which I am not. My skin is nicer - I did notice that. And I've lost the 5lb I gained when I was 'budgeting' my groceries and eating more beans and legumes. But other than that? Not a whole heck of a lot.

Again, that's not totally accurate. Last week my goal was to do something kind to someone every day of the week. When you're at home all day it can prove difficult. But I did find moments to add some kindness to the world or NAAMM's as I call them (Not all about me moments)

Sunday - I donated some clothing.
            - I talked to the Grocery Clerk and found out about her school. Her dreams. Her bunny.

Monday - Made my husband a lunch while he was outside working and brought it to him
            - Complimented two people at Choir Rehearsal
            - Went out of my way to talk to someone I didn't know in Choir and get to know them more

Tuesday - This guy phoned the house right in the middle of my work day. He is a friend of my husband's and a terrible 'babbler'. At first I was frustrated and rolling my eyes, kicking myself for picking up the phone. Then I thought of my challenge and I stopped and listened. I gave him the respect he deserves. That was a big one for me.

Wednesday - I talked to the kid at the Deli. Called him by name.

Thursday - I brought a treat for my nail technician
              - I made my daughter's lunch just because.

Friday - I let an older man in front of me during a long line up at Sears.
          - I donated to the Harvest Project.
          - I held the door open for a lady with her shopping cart, and the 6 or so people who followed behind her.

Saturday - I bought my daughter some gas for her car.

I haven't changed the world, but I've tried to make it a nicer place.

Still I am frustrated. I feel like I'm doing all of this 'stuff' but not really getting anywhere. There must be something I can do so that I am taking more steps forward than backward.

Focus. I need to focus. I find this a very difficult thing to do. Focus. I'm thinking all the time about anything and everything. Focus. I'm spinning my wheels. Focus. One thing at a time. Focus.

What does this mean? When I am at work I need to focus on work. Not Facebook, or what I need to do later, but work. When I am writing my blog I need to focus on it. When I'm rehearsing I need to focus on that. When I'm with my family I need to focus on them. When I am having coffee with a friend I need to focus my attention my friend and our conversation. Focus. When I'm eating, focus on what I am eating and how it tastes. Focus. One thing at a time. Not twelve. One. Focus.

Week 14 - Focus.



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